Ups and Downs

Everyday is a different turn and twist on the fertility train it seems.  One day you think oh I might be ovulating then one day you feel nothing!  I think about before we were TTC # 2 and not knowing of ANY s/s going on because I was not paying attention and now I think back and I am like how did I not notice!!  I have learned alot this round of TTC and I feel no matter what it has taught me so much that I think I can use that knowledge to help others in need.  I am really thinking of switching jobs and maybe working for a fertility clinic as a nurse there.  Would help if they were actually talking to someone who has been in their worried shoes.  All though I am more relaxed this time because I do thank the lord "at least I have one"  I feel so guilty sometimes on like the baby center boards whining or worring about it being over a year and still no results but hey at least I have my son and I need to make sure I keep that in mind.  When we were TTC Dustin I remember the despair in thinking...What if I never have any children and I want to be such a good mother?  I remember my heart aching,  it still aches for another child just one more to complete our family but sometimes I really feel I am asking to much of our wonderful god.  I mean he gave me my HUGE miracle a baby that beat all odds to survive and fought to be here.  Am I slapping him in his face and saying HEY that's not enough?  I ponder that all the time but then on the other hand I have Dustin asking me daily for a brother.  I feel bad he is alone in this world and when we are passed to heaven he will be by himself on this world except for his huge crew of cousins.  Then I get the crack head or low low income families that are on their 13th babies and they get taken away by CPS everytime.  These beautiful precious perfect 10 toe 10 finger babies born full term that are given to these people.  Why not me?  We have this beautiful home now all full of love and nice things it's such a wonderful place to grow up I just wish one more could enjoy......